i don't really know... when he told me that , my heart sank , in my mind I immediatly wanted to say- BUT YOU ARE BETTER THAN.... I wanted to shout YOU ARE MORE THAN EMOUGH I wanted to show him all the areas in life that he excels .
but instead i stayed silent.
after a minute or so I asked him "how come you feel that way?" he didn't know, so I asked for examples, he had only one, it revolves around food. I want him to eat variety of things and I loose my patient quickly, it is not new I'm working on it but I must admit not "good enough"( sounds familiar?!) . So I apologized, and he realized that this is the only thing he can think of. And then I asked- what are you good at? For that he had a few answers, then he asked to play with legos... a minute before he left I asked him to repeat after me " I am good enough" we did that for 2 minutes, we laughed and we decided to do it daily.
I don't know how much this daily affirmation will work, but at least it'll bring it up to the surface and then we can address it.
I was mostly amazed that an 8 year old can articulate that clearly what made him cry, and he felt safe enough to tell me that when I'm angry he feels like I don't care about him. So here are my lesson from an 8 year old-:
*When I am are upset - I need to articulate clearly what is the root of it.
*Use daily affirmation as a tool to raise issues to the surface.
*When I am upset/angry, look at the person in front of me and practice empathy.
Here is my chance to thank my son for being my teacher!